Foster-to-adopt means becoming a licensed foster parent with the hope of adopting if a child cannot safely return home. Federal law requires states to make reasonable efforts to reunify children with their families, though agencies may plan for adoption at the same time (concurrent planning). Licensing usually involves training, a home study and background checks, and costs are generally far lower than private adoption. The emotional reality is that you may love and care for a child who goes home, so it suits people who can support reunification as well as hope for adoption.
Infertility and foster care meet in an emotionally complicated place. You may have spent years hoping for a baby and grieving losses. Foster care asks you to care for a child whose first family is often still in the picture, and to support their reunification even as you hope to adopt. Many families find that meaningful. Some find it too painful right after infertility. Both reactions are valid, and knowing which one is yours is part of the decision.
How Foster-to-Adopt Differs From Other Adoption Paths
| Foster-to-adopt | Private domestic adoption | International adoption | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Who places the child | A state or county child welfare agency | An agency or attorney, usually with birth parents choosing | An agency working with another country's system |
| Usual starting goal | Reunification with the child's family, if safe | Adoption, once birth parents consent and any revocation period ends | Adoption, under both countries' rules |
| Children's ages | Infants through teens; many are school-age or in sibling groups | Often newborns | Varies by country |
| Cost to families | Generally low; training and licensing are often free | Typically the most expensive route | Significant fees and travel |
| Certainty of adoption | Uncertain until parental rights are terminated | Uncertain until consent is final | Depends on the country and case |
Our overview of adoption basics describes private and international routes in more detail. AdoptUSKids, a national project funded by the federal Children's Bureau, has a plain-language page on what fostering and adopting cost.
The Legal Framework in Plain Language
Federal law requires states, with some exceptions, to make "reasonable efforts" to preserve and reunify families, both before a child enters foster care and to make it possible for the child to return home safely. The same law allows states to work toward adoption or guardianship at the same time. This is often called concurrent planning: the agency works on reunification while also preparing a backup plan, and a foster-to-adopt family is often that backup.
In practice, that means:
- A child placed with you is usually not legally free for adoption at the start.
- Courts review the case on a schedule, and birth parents get services and time to meet the court's requirements.
- Adoption can only happen if parental rights are ended by a court or voluntarily relinquished.
- Some children who come into care are already legally free and waiting for an adoptive family. Adopting them is less uncertain, though they are more often older children, teens or sibling groups.
What Licensing Involves
Every state sets its own requirements, so use official sources for the details. AdoptUSKids keeps a state-by-state directory of foster care and adoption contacts. In general, expect:
Typical steps to become a foster-adoptive parent
Money: Lower Cost, Plus Support
Adopting from foster care is usually far less expensive than private adoption, and there is financial support worth knowing about:
- Foster care payments. Foster parents generally receive a payment to help cover a child's costs. Amounts vary by state.
- Adoption assistance. Many children adopted from foster care qualify for ongoing support. Ask your agency what applies before the adoption is finalized.
- The federal adoption tax credit. According to IRS Topic 607, if a state determines that a child cannot or should not be returned home (a "special needs" determination, in IRS terms), you can claim the full credit even if you had no qualified adoption expenses. The IRS says that beginning with tax year 2025, part of the credit is refundable, up to $5,000 per qualifying child. Rules and limits change, so check the current IRS page or a tax professional.
The Emotional Realities
This is the part that deserves the most honesty.
Some children you care for will go home. Supporting reunification, sometimes driving a child to visits with the family they will return to, is part of the role. People who have just been through infertility losses should think carefully about whether they are ready for another possible goodbye.
- Grief from infertility does not disappear. Foster parenting is not a cure for it. Processing it first, often with a counselor, tends to help. Our guide to finding a fertility-informed therapist can help you choose one.
- Children in care have experienced loss and often trauma. Parenting them can look different from what you pictured, and it works best with training, patience and support.
- Birth families matter. Even after adoption, many children benefit from some form of contact or connection with their first family.
- The system is slow and imperfect. Delays, court continuances and changing caseworkers are common. A support network of other foster parents helps.
Support worth lining up early
Ask your licensing agency what support it offers after a child is placed: a caseworker you can call, respite care so you can rest, foster parent support groups, and training on parenting children who have experienced trauma. Many foster parents also find a mentor family who has been through placements before. Lining these up before your first call makes the early weeks much easier.
Questions to ask yourself
- Can I wholeheartedly support a child going home, if that is what happens?
- Am I open to an older child, a child with special needs, or siblings?
- Have I grieved the biological child I hoped for, or am I trying to fill that space?
- Who in my life will support us through placements and transitions?
Some people decide foster care is not their path, and that is fine too. If you are weighing it against stopping altogether, living child-free after infertility covers that decision. If you still have embryos in storage, embryo adoption versus donor embryos describes another way families give and receive embryos. More paths are collected in the family-building hub.
If you are moving on from IVF, ConceiveGuide's article on when to stop IVF covers that conversation, and its guide to embryo adoption versus donor embryo explains the clinical side of that option.
Frequently Asked Questions
The Bottom Line
Foster-to-adopt can be a rich path to parenthood after infertility, but it is its own kind of parenting, centered on a child who already has a family and a history. Learn how reunification and concurrent planning work, use your state's official sources for licensing steps, take advantage of the financial support available, and be honest with yourself about grief and goodbyes before you start.
Exploring other ways to build your family?
Our family-building hub covers adoption, donor conception, surrogacy and more.
Visit the Family-Building Hub →- 42 U.S.C. 671(a)(15): reasonable efforts to reunify families and concurrent adoption planning (Cornell LII). https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/42/671
- Child Welfare Information Gateway, Concurrent Planning for Timely Permanence (2018). https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/concurrent-planning/
- IRS Tax Topic 607, Adoption Credit and Adoption Assistance Programs. https://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc607
- AdoptUSKids, state foster care and adoption information. https://adoptuskids.org/adoption-and-foster-care/how-to-adopt-and-foster/state-information