One of the most common questions couples have when trying to conceive: how often should we be having sex? Some worry they're not having enough; others worry they might be having too much and "depleting" sperm.
Let's look at what the research actually says—and address some common myths.
The Science: What Research Shows
Studies consistently show that pregnancy rates are highest when couples have sex every 1-2 days during the fertile window. Here's what we know:
Daily sex during the fertile window produces pregnancy rates of about 37% per cycle in one large study.
Every other day sex during the fertile window produces pregnancy rates of about 33% per cycle—statistically equivalent to daily.
Once per week during the fertile window drops pregnancy rates to about 15% per cycle.
The takeaway? Every day and every other day are both excellent strategies. The bigger mistake is having sex too infrequently and missing the fertile window entirely.
"You don't need to have sex every day, but you do need to have sex during your fertile window. Timing matters more than frequency."
The Different Strategies Compared
Have sex every other day starting about 5 days before expected ovulation through 1-2 days after. This ensures sperm are present throughout the fertile window without requiring daily sex.
âś“ Pros
- Equally effective as daily
- More sustainable and less stressful
- Maintains good sperm quality
- Allows for recovery between sessions
âś— Cons
- Requires knowing your fertile window
- Could miss very short windows if timing is off
Have sex every day starting when fertile signs appear until ovulation is confirmed. Maximizes chances of hitting the right days.
âś“ Pros
- Maximizes coverage of fertile days
- Less anxiety about missing the window
- Works for couples who enjoy frequent sex
âś— Cons
- Can feel like pressure
- May be exhausting for some couples
- Not actually more effective than every other day
Have sex every 2-3 days throughout the entire cycle without tracking ovulation. Ensures you hit the fertile window without the mental load of tracking.
âś“ Pros
- No tracking required
- Low mental stress
- Will definitely hit fertile days
- Feels more natural
âś— Cons
- More total sex required
- May wear out couples with lower libido
- No feedback on whether timing was good
Example: Every Other Day During Fertile Window
For a 28-day cycle with ovulation around day 14
đź’• = Sex days | Green = Peak fertility | Yellow = Fertile window
Common Myths Debunked
Timing beats frequency. Having sex once at the perfect time (O-2 or O-1) is better than having sex ten times at the wrong time of your cycle. Focus on identifying your fertile window—then make sure you have sex during it.
When Sex Starts Feeling Like a Chore
Let's be honest: scheduled, timed sex can drain the fun right out of intimacy. It's completely normal for TTC sex to start feeling like a task rather than a pleasure. Here's how to cope:
Communicate openly. Talk with your partner about how you're both feeling. Acknowledge that it's hard. You're in this together.
Don't abandon pleasure. Even if you're focused on the goal, try to maintain foreplay and intimacy. Your enjoyment matters, and arousal actually helps (for both partners).
Take breaks from tracking. Some cycles, try the "every other day all cycle" approach to remove the mental load. You'll still hit your fertile days.
Plan non-fertile intimacy. Have sex during the TWW or after ovulation just for connection—without the pressure of trying to conceive.
Remember it's temporary. This intense focus on timing doesn't last forever. Most couples conceive within a year, and the hyper-scheduling phase ends.
What If He Has Low Sperm Count?
If your partner has been diagnosed with oligospermia (low sperm count), the calculus changes slightly:
Every other day is usually recommended over daily sex, to allow sperm counts to build between ejaculations.
Don't abstain too long. More than 5-7 days of abstinence hurts sperm quality even for men with low counts. The sweet spot is 2-3 days between ejaculations.
Focus on peak days. Rather than covering the entire fertile window, prioritize O-2 and O-1 (the two days before ovulation) when chances are highest.
Talk to a urologist. Underlying causes of low sperm count (like varicocele) may be treatable, which could change recommendations.
Know Your Fertile Window
Calculate when you're most fertile so you know when timing matters most.
Ovulation Calculator →The Bottom Line
For most couples:
- Every 1-2 days during the fertile window is optimal
- Daily and every other day produce similar pregnancy rates
- Don't "save up" sperm—regular ejaculation keeps sperm healthy
- Timing matters more than frequency—hitting the right days is key
- Once per day is enough—no need for multiple sessions
Most importantly: whatever schedule works for your relationship is the right one. The research shows a range of effective strategies. Choose the one that feels sustainable and keeps intimacy intact.